This post is intended to all those, who after reading this post feel like some part of their problem is addressed in this post or they can correlate some part of their life to things mentioned in this post.
This is about the guys who come from a middle class family, who watching many films gets so inspired and starts to think that he can change his family’s fortunes with his job. All these wrong thoughts are mainly motivated by the Regional movies where the hero turns into a millionaire from a pauper in a single song.
The guy when he is passing out of the college gives a feel to others that they are deadweight and he is the chosen one when he passes through all the hurdles and grabs a job in some company where his salary will be in few grand’s. He is especially happy with the fact that his first month salary will be something more than his father or any other earning person he knew in his family. He feels like he is unique and he is tiger born into a cat family. He starts to count the days left to take off, and finally that day comes. With heart filled with happiness and eyes filled with dreams he enters his office and finds that he is unique and different just like everyone else present there. There is no identity that he has got for his own.
The few grand’s which looked very big before he joined looks simply nothing when he gets it in his hand. Now all those who he thought were hopeless in college someway or the other got one job or another and got somehow settled in life.
The few grand’s after many appraisals become few more grand’s but nothing else has changed in his life. He still waits for the dramatic turn around to happen; his family’s fortune still remains on his shoulders. He sacrifices all his happiness and becomes a scapegoat to provide his family all that they want. All those dreams he had about spending the extra money that he will have with him after giving enough to his family seems a distant mirage. He seems himself like “a dog trying to catch his own tail”. Though he knows he will never make it, but then he can never give up on it too.
All his college days he focused only on getting a job and never showed any interest in girls, even to those girls who approached him was treated like some APSARAS trying to disturb saint’s THAPAS. There were days when girls were behind him, now every time he sees a couple [not the married couples] anywhere in temples, bus, train, theatres, restaurants, parks and any other place where you see couples. He feels so inferior and thinks that he belongs to some other origin of species. Sometimes he even feels like shooting them down if only he had a gun but then he can’t stop himself from starring at them. He gets more depressed when he sees married couples, he thinks about the countless occasions where he had a chance but the left it because it was not his choice of life.
All his friends who were girls, whom he used to talk hours together, are now happily married and no one has anytime to spare to him. His mobile bills stats are degrading with every month. After months, he realizes that he doesn’t really need a phone. There is no one to call him, text him or wish him at midnight on his birthdays. He just becomes a forgotten past in everyone’s life.
He regrets his decisions now, which he thought he had done after enough thinking to make sure he won’t regret in the future. With everyone he used to call friends getting married, his rage grows uncontrolled with every invitation that he receives. In all those marriages he keeps thinking about only one thing, someday I will also get married to a girl far better than any of the others got married to. But soon he realizes that his marriage itself is uncertain, so saying it out loud will only have adverse effects. So he keeps it to himself.
He starts to lose hair and his age goes into the wrong side of the twenties, which is when he becomes more and more depressed. He is clueless about which one to google about, the dating tips? or hair loss prevention?. He gets very desperate and tries to get a girl for himself but all that he gets back in reply is something similar to trying to book Diwali ticket in tatkal in IRCTC. Either you get connection timed out or Reservation against cancellation, you know that you can never get it and after sometime you quit on trying.
On the other hand you see some seniors in his office older than he who were still unmarried finally get married, they give him hope and he finally gets himself convinced that there is someone for everyone.
But wait a second life doesn’t end after marriage, marriage is just the beginning of life isn’t it? After marriage, separate house, kids, home loan, car loan, fees, blah blah blah. He is more scared than he was during his exams he thinks of his bank balance, which is remotely nowhere away from ZERO.
Now his heart starts pumping more and more fast and he has to make a decision, a decision which he shouldn’t regret in his future. He says to himself, let me think over it and make a decision so that I will never ever regret in the future.
He tries to find one such decision he took in life but then finally he remembers there is not a single decision in his life which fits the bill. For him his life seems to be caught in a heavy traffic on an one way, he neither can turn back nor can move forward. He can move only as much as he is allowed to move.
Finally he looks up at the sky and says it loud “GOD, Am I the Bug in your Design?”
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